Are you judging me?

Yes, I am judging you. You are going to judge me too. Others judge others as well. The concept of who is judging who to me is very silly because the assumption is that the judgment is negative. The reality is that we ‘judge’ in all sorts of the word, though we all do it differently. Whether you like it or not, you are constantly judging for a variety of reasons.

When I am presented a with a new client, my job is to ask questions and learn more about that individual. I am experienced enough at this point that I have confidence in how to lawyer a divorce case. My initial ‘x’ factor in how well I will be able to assist my client is initially just the client. By asking questions and delving into the details of their circumstances, I get a better assessment of how to help this individual. Thus, I am making judgments on the client and the case based on that initial level of data given. I consider this level of judgment to be useful to the client because most often clients leave my office with a better understanding of what options they have going forward along with a sense of ease. Their ‘ease’ is a result of me asking questions, listening to what is told me, and me combining my experience and knowledge with the information they gave me. “Judgment” in this case results in a beneficial two way street for me and the client but mostly the client I would say.

On the opposite end is what I would call baseless judgment. For example, if a client I meet for the first time comes to the meeting and is dressed messy, causing me a loss of confidence in this individual because I judge dressing messy negatively for example, the result is my ability to help the client diminishes. This helps no one and is baseless judgment. (Did you catch that I said that was an example? It’s an example because being dressed messy is something I can contend with (don’t forget I’m blogging so take everything with grains of salt)).

If someone is acting like a complete jerk, then you get to judge that moment and think: “right now that person is acting like a not nice person.” If someone is volunteering their time to help others, then you get to judge that and think: “that person is helpful because they are helping others.” We judge and it’s ok. You can think of a zillion judgments from here and take it to the positive, negative, get educated from it, etc.

However, I will say that if in my example above, if the individual continues to dress messy and even in a courtroom dresses messy, then the judgment is that the person dresses messy and that’s how it is, right or wrong. Dressing messy in a courtroom could negatively impact you for a variety of reasons depending on the issue and players at hand. It essentially becomes a fact at that point unless the person chooses an active change and starts to promote the change. Humans make judgments whether you like it or not. I believe judgment matters and is a very fluid concept.

I value educated judgments. When you ask questions and do a decent amount of educated research, the end result will often bring you to a more truthful answer. The hard part is that sometimes the truth is inconvenient and we don’t want to really deal with it. My job involves a lot of dealing in what I heard one judge say are ‘inconvenient truths.’ The beauty though is through these inconvenient truths, we gain freedom because we get to work toward a goal knowing the ‘givens’ in the equation.

So, next time someone complains that you are judging them or vice versa, acknowledge it! Judge, judge away!