Hey! Parents! Leave them kids alone! (ala Pink Floyd)

          This article is more for my kid clients. Parents: you should read this too. Yes, I represent children. Representing children has changed my outlook on how I handle my consulting, mediation, or litigation cases as well as how I engage with my own family.

At times in high conflict cases, Judges select attorneys to represent minor children for those families. I go to Court and sit at counsel table, with one parent and their lawyer on one side of me, and the other parent and their lawyer on the other side of me. I’m in the middle of their fight. That is what happens to kids. Whether they like it or not, most times kids are in the middle of their parent’s break up. Even the best of parents generally can’t avoid this.

What parents forget to understand is how children interpret adult words and actions. Parents and adults also often misinterpret children because of a multitude of reasons. It can be a lack of education that results in poor language skills, lack of maturity, heightened emotions, inability to listen, and the list goes on. Kids want to just be kids, like a 9 year old, that kid wants to play. They really are less interested in having to pick where to live.  

If you left it to the 9 year old, they would want their parents happy, in a peaceful home, where the kid can just be ‘9.’ But when a parent is not happy or when there is arguing, that is when kids start to tweak. I’ve learned that at that specific age range of 8 or 9 years old, kids want to see things more equal, they feel like they have to balance things out, be fair, etc. Could you imagine a 9 year old trying to process an argument between their parents? No thanks.

So, parents, stop trying to find the truth of what’s going on in the other parent’s house through your kid and instead just love on your kid. If you want to know what is going on, then ask the parent, not the kid. Also, if you can post just positive stuff on the internet, that would help too, because kids find that stuff. It’s not fun for them.

If you want to help your kid, try letting them know you’ve got the other parent’s back. Let them know they don’t have to worry and that their parents are a team. Sometimes this just isn’t possible for the kids I deal with and that is something I help them contend with. There is nothing I can do when parents cannot get along, even if it is just one parent with the issue. But, if you can help it, for the sake of your kid, put the tension to the side, the divorce is enough, get educated, and let your kid know you support them. Love the heck out of your kid. Let them get that chance to be a 9 year old again.