Time for Marriage

Depending on the timing of when an individual comes to me for advice, I have the delicate opportunity to determine if truly this person is ‘needing’ a divorce. Know my bias: generally I do what I can to encourage individuals to stay married. I ask a lot of questions too, many of which help you figure out if you understand your role in causing you to end up in my office. Often our expectations do not match our outputs. In other words, ‘I should have gotten an A on my spelling test even though I only studied some of the words for some time.’ If our kid comes to us complaining about a negative result, typically we tell our kid ‘then practice more and you’ll get a better result.’

Marriage, in my opinion, is absolutely no different. Don’t expect an A+ marriage if you give C- effort. Now, there’s a little give when you have kids, jobs, extended family needs, health issues, and the list goes on. But you see my point. Again, there’s so many variations to this; it’s an amazing conversation. I also wonder how selflessness and then selfishness play a role in marriages. Do we really open up to each other? But really, when it comes to marriage or divorce, the only person you have control over is yourself. Thus, to me, it’s most helpful to reflect on our own actions and words.

On a lighter note, a fancy dinner out with your spouse, babysitter costs and all, is much less costly than what the filing fee is right now to initiate a divorce, which is $435 per person! Go have that nice dinner: it’s worth it! Laugh, make jokes, don’t poke fun, and say something nice.

one day at a time.