"Ignorance is bliss!" ... Is it?
I often write with the three dots. “…” I like the three dots because it expresses a train of thought. It gives space to the unknown, unanswered questions, what theories may or may not exist, now, before, or later. My experience is that stories develop and I have to keep the door open to what I knew, changing. Thus, while I might have been ‘right’ in that moment before, ‘right’ can become ‘inaccurate’ in the future.
That brings me to the saying ‘ignorance is bliss.’ Merriam-Webster’ online defines ignorance as: “the state or fact of being ignorant: lack of knowledge, education, or awareness.” Ouch. To me, that is the worst state ever to be in. But then again, I’d be lying to you, implying that I lack ignorance. I have ignorance, for sure. The truth is that I love French fries and there is nothing healthy about them. I really don’t want to know the science behind what that level of fat and salt does to my heart and arteries. So for now, I’m blindly enjoying the decadence of my French fries while choosing to have ‘lack of knowledge, education, or awareness.”
What areas of your life do you choose to be ignorant? In what areas are you ignorant and but not even know it (that’s a toughie)? What do you make time to learn and develop, and what don’t you make time to understand? In your heart of hearts are you real about where you are ignorant? Or are you so caught up in your deflection that your blind spots are dictating your reality? We all get caught up in this and I do think these questions are important in life, but specifically during a divorce.
One commonality I hope we all agree on is that no one ‘wants’ war. While war happens, it’s not something most humans strive for. We can compete, have tough battles in ideology or ways of life, but really we don’t want to suffer or die as a result of our own doing or at the hand of another person. When you are in a divorce, you get to choose to make it war or not. My hope is that you take a break from your intense position and learn to understand what is going on because not only do your kids deserve peace, our world needs you to learn to live in peace too. This requires you doing the hard work to learn to have peace with your ex.
Thus, ignorance really isn’t bliss, now is it…? It’s a coping mechanism perhaps, but those French fries do me no good and I really need to avoid them. I need to develop my awareness and get educated on how my habits effect those around me….
War with your ex, we know, is not ideal. Every now and then though, war has to happen because someone is incapable of getting out of their own ignorance. In those situations you have to be prepared to stand up for yourself. I have been to war for clients and I will do it again. Overall though, going to war means that at least one person, and it could be the professionals involved, are not interested in peace. Now it’s getting interesting…
We can’t get too hard on ourselves. We can’t know everything. But my hope is that you become a little more self-aware, get a little less ignorant, and get educated on how to promote peace. Ok, maybe a couple more French fries… See! It’s tough!