Relation.Ship

Thanksgiving is tomorrow. As a family law attorney, holidays have a lot of meaning. I would say that holidays, even ones I did not traditionally celebrate in the past, take on more importance today than they did in the past. In my work world, people negotiate holidays, they argue over when they get the kids on certain days, there is a monetary value to when they separate, they get through the holidays to later be ‘done’ with their marriage, and the list goes on. But with holidays, those days are specifically designed for people to connect and get together.

With that, I thought of the word relationship, in the sense that we all have relationships with each other. I thought about what the word meant, and to me I think of a connection with someone. Ironically, when I break the word in two, the ‘relation’ loses the connection to ‘ship,’ and like a boat leaving the dock, the two words drift away from each other.

No one that gets married wants their relationship to drift apart. If you end up in my office, my first thought is to see if there’s a chance you can keep your marriage. Sometimes clients think I’m crazy to even ask, possibly rude, and what is this lady thinking? Doesn’t she make money off my divorce?

I know, it sounds crazy, but the secret is out: I actually don’t want you to get a divorce. I want you to keep your marriage, even if your spouse is a royal jerk. There are exceptions, of course there are, but the reality is that most of us are no different than the other in that we want connection, we want relationships. In a tribal way, doesn’t that make sense? Afterall, humanity started as tribes with zero technology so it must be on some carnal level, we need relationships, whether we like it or not.

So, I don’t want your ‘relation’ to ‘ship.’ Whether you are happily married, faking your happy marriage, or going through divorce, figure out how to work on your relationships. How can you develop your connections with others, like your ex-spouse? Can you start tribal, like with a ‘hello,’ ‘thank you,’ eye contact, or a hug? Intimacy is real, and boy do we not want it to be real, but it is.

Give yourself credit: working, raising kids, activities, family time, health, personal time (ya right), dealing in life, the pressure, all of it adds up and puts feeding your relationships on the back burner. But I know eye contact, laughing, a hug, being asked how I am… it feels really good.

Relish in your relationships this Thanksgiving. Anyone can point out what is wrong in life. We all know what those issues are. Let’s celebrate connection. I know I don’t want my relation to ship, so I’ll do my part too.