Thank you, mom, for making me take Calculus 16B.

I was so angry at my mother. I mean, really angry. Why would I let her push me into taking a class in college that I could not stand? I was suffering in Calculus 16B. Oh I was so angry. I barely got through Calculus 16A at UC Davis my freshman year with a B (I think). I was done. In her pushy voice, she said: “No, don’t tell me you can’t do it. You need to push yourself. You have to learn to solve problems.” And then with her irritated voice ‘why am I giving so much to this kid’ tone she backed off. While I did not appreciate her words or her approach, I was not afraid of a challenge. The beauty of overcoming a challenge is the feeling of accomplishment afterward. I knew and loved that feeling of accomplishment. I heard her words that irritated me like crazy, I thought about it, and decided to take Calculus 16B my sophomore year at UCD.

I finished the class, but not well. I cried. I suffered. I got help. I cried more. I finished the class with a C (I think). I resented her. I resented her for this for a long time. Not until my kids started into the latter parts of elementary school did I repeat her words and have an awakening: “you need to problem solve.” Wow. I woke up. I understand now why my mom wanted me to challenge myself. Wow. It took only OVER 20 YEARS to learn how crucial it was to challenge myself in this respect. I know how to problem solve and am not afraid of it. WOW.

You see, my mom would explain to us her weaknesses and how she wished she could overcome them, but somehow she had this inability to problem solve. She had no issue advocating for her children in some areas, as well as for herself, but in other areas she shut down. Turns out, she’s human. But like most all of us parents, we want ‘more’ for our children. I am living evidence of a better life and have built from what my family started.

Here’s what I mean…. life is happening… when you hit adulthood, you get presented with all types of life events. The beauty of being a child is the lack of responsibilities. The bummer and beauty of adulthood are those responsibilities. The catch is: how do you approach these life events and stay sane? As a divorce lawyer I witness on a daily basis how some people can problem solve in some areas but not in others.

The beauty of problem solving is the freedom you feel when life punches you in the face. As an adult, you know how this feel. Your boss is a jerk. Your spouse cheated on you. You have kids and don’t know what to do. You are pulled in a zillion directions and can’t figure out how to manage how you feel or how to do it all. Your family secrets blow up. Someone gets sick; someone dies. What do you do?

I knew I wanted to be a lawyer when I entered college. There was no ‘need’ for Calculus 16B in my life. I majored in Comparative Literature with emphasis in Spanish. These were subject areas I was drawn to, enjoyed, wanted to focus in on, and thus were just easier for me.

But as we know, what is easier is not always better.

How does this blog help you? Recognize where you can problem solve and where you cannot. If a section of your life is crap, how do you problem solve it? What are you missing? How do you fix it to give yourself peace? Are you real that it takes actual work to accomplish a goal? If you know some givens in your life, how do you count on those and ask for help? Asking for help is huge in problem solving. This opens doors to learn more, grow, and get through the tough stuff.

Before the school year ended, we learned our second born tested into higher math in middle school. I annoyed her. She complained. She got help. She did the work. Now she gets it. That feeling of accomplishment is with her now. Was it easy to get there? No. But, she did it. She persevered and problem solved.

It’s ok to suffer because really, it’s good for you. I’m not saying to suffer in a ‘being treated badly’ way. I’m saying discipline and pushing yourself in areas that are not easy for you will help you in the long run, even if it takes over 20 years to realize your accomplishment. Who knew I’d be thankful for taking Calculus 16B….