you’re not listening to me
The act of communication I believe is an art. The ability to effectively say what you think and feel and to have that information absorbed in the manner intended is success. That goal is not easy to achieve in general but becomes exponentially more difficult in conflict. Whether you are married, with a friend, family, or an ex spouse to be, good luck figuring out how to communicate what you are trying to say in your brain.
Tips on how to communicate your message:
Write it down, again, and then again, and then again, then maybe again. Do you see my point? Sometimes what we think we want to say is not really what we think. This exercise will help you feel like you are saying what you intended to say.
Talk to the mirror. Look and see how your face appears with the words you say in the mirror. You might be pleasantly surprised or in horror at how you present. This is good information! Now you know and can build on what you started. This will help you learn what it is you want to say, how you want to say it.
Practice with someone. Practice, with whatever it is you do, as you know, is effective. If you put time into practicing with someone who can effectively help you get over this hurdle, then that will help you confront the person with whom you want to communicate.
Be ready. In conflict or situations where you are nervous to confront, take steps to be ready. Wear clothes that make you feel confident. Be nice to yourself. Think positively. Preparation does not hurt you. However, after the conversation is over, try not to beat yourself up. You did it. You got through. Now, do it again, and again, did I say practice?
Stay calm. Getting animated, raising your voice, rolling your eyes… this is all childish and you know it. But as adults we all get caught in acting immaturely. Learning to manage our emotions and maintain focus will add to the potency of what it is you want to communicate. While yelling at someone to do something may also send a message, that message is diluted with emotion for the recipient. Thus, the message gets clouded. Maybe that is the goal, maybe it is not. Credibility builds with positive and effective confrontation.
You might not get heard. The fact is that you can say something perfectly yet you still might not get heard. There’s nothing you can do about this. Sometimes the person receiving the information either does not want to hear it, cannot hear it, or does not understand. There could be more reasons. However, you cannot control how they process. You want to feel solid about how you said what you wanted to say, then, move on.