Everyone Gets Their Turn
Whether it is your spouse, you, or your child, someone, at some point, is going to have an ‘issue’ take precedent. What does that mean? It means that if you are the one working full time and then no longer are working, that becomes an issue. If you are the one driving the kids to school every morning then for some reason can’t because your legs are broken, that causes as an issue for the family system.
The question now becomes how do you get through it with grace? If it’s your spouse or ex who lost their job, how do you handle it? Do you think there are no options, one option, many options, or do you shut down? If you have a broken leg and can’t do the driving, how do you take care of it? Do you think you should be damned for life because you are out for two months from driving? Should there be space for you to recover? What grace are you given, who is helping you, and how do you recover? What are your options? How do you take care of yourself while this is all happening?
The reality is that everyone gets their turn at being human.
Thus far in my practice, I have found crucifying people to not be helpful to the family system because at some point, someone else is going to be on the chopping block, even you. Yes, you, Mr. or Ms. Perfection with justified faults, even gets their turn. For argument’s sake, let’s accept you thinking that you are a “better” person than the other person. If so, then being real with grace is going to be something casual and natural for you, right? If you have kids, they are watching. They are taking in who you are, while your ex is out of a job, what you say, how you act, all of it. You are imprinting on them how to handle themselves, or not, while someone else is down.
Whether you are married or separated, realize that children see themselves in their parents. They do. Knowing that you and the other parent will get their turn at having a problem or being in a position to support, how you act matters in these imperfect moments. What is your character and who do you want to be? It’s up to you because we all get our turn.