If you are prepared you can let go of the outcome.

         You have decided to end your marriage. The next step is: how? How are you going to end it? Will you confront it or not? Will you leave in fear or have a plan? What have you thought through prior to starting the divorce process?

          I think ending your marriage is like all other life experiences you go through. The more educated you are about it, the chances increase that the outcome you get will be more in line with your expectations.

          If you do not know your finances, start to learn your finances so you can figure out how you will financially get by on your own. If you do not spend much time with your kids but want more time, then you will need to spend time learning about them. Forcing them into your life when they are not used to it may not be an easy transition or perhaps the transition won’t happen at all.

          If you do not communicate well with your spouse, then chances are you will have trouble communicating through the divorce and thereafter. This will cause extra confusion for you and the kids. Learn to communicate with your spouse even if it makes life very uncomfortable. As an aside, recognize the difference between uncomfortable and abusive. It’s ok to be uncomfortable; it’s not ok to be demeaned or abused. If it can be safely done, you will want to confront all this head on prior to ending your marriage.

          If it’s not possible to communicate, then get a plan that is reasonable and set up for an equal playing field. None of this is easy, it takes time and energy, but doing this work is worth it.

          But I want you to think about this: learning about finances, learning about your children, learning how to communicate with the person you married… all these things you learn are all positive to your life and the life of those close to you. What a benefit this is to you. Now, regardless of the divorce, you have invested in and gotten the benefit of knowing you have started to turn the page in areas of your life that you were once less knowledgeable.

          You may learn something about yourself and your spouse in this process that you did not learn before. You can’t control life, and you can’t control outcomes. But you can be prepared and know that you did what you could. I have yet to hear from someone that they regret preparing. Try.