Is this a Trick or a Treat?

When you are going through divorce, it’s hard to know what is a ‘trick’ or a ‘treat.’ It can also happen that what you think is a trick is really a treat. Work with me here…

More often than not, when someone goes through divorce, it’s their first time. This means they are new to the process. Divorce can be weird, and when it gets to the point of litigation it gets much weirder. How you may think things ‘should be’ are not, and sometimes the best strategy on how to handle a situation is counter-intuitive.

I recall a time I was in Court waiting my turn for the Judge to hear our case. While waiting, we heard the matters ahead of us. During one hearing, the Judge admonished the parties not to talk about the divorce in front of the children. The judge made this statement after Parent #1 stated that Parent #2 had told the children about divorce proceedings. After the Judge finished speaking, Parent #2 defended themself, stating they never did that, how Parent #1 makes things up, etc. In my head, I thought, this is not a trick, just let the Judge do a joint admonishment. The Judge is limited on time, has no idea what is true or not in that moment, and gives a treat in hope that the parents might just say: “Ok, thank you, your honor, that makes sense.”

Sometimes people feel tricked. Sometimes people are tricked, that includes judges, lawyers, 3rd party neutrals, any living human, you name it. But if someone starts paying attention, you can eventually expose the trick. Eventually the truth comes out. Generally, the lawyers I deal with, including the courts, are trying to educate you along the way, help you, resolve your matter, and give you treats. You can also learn tools to teach you to assess if what you are dealing with is a trick or a treat.

Realize too that while you may get tricked, you can get out of it. Learn your lesson, grow, and push forward. It’s not the end of the world, and, depending on what it is, the person that tricked you is going to have to live with the outcome for years to come. Typically though the truth comes out with people that are intentional with their tricks. I find that it’s often that people don’t know what they’re doing, and so over time the intention behind the trick or treat comes out. Uneducated people in the Court process contribute to confusion, which adds to wondering if they should be accepting or not. Get yourself educated and then be open to what you don’t know when you knock on that door: trick or treat!