But they’re lying. Doesn’t the judge get it?

“Yes, your honor, I understand. I will pay support on the first of the month.”

“Yes, your honor, I will provide the documents requested by the date ordered by the Court.”

“Yes, I will make sure the kids do their homework, tutoring, music, and sports during their time with me.”

There’s talking, and then there’s doing.

That’s one of the tough parts of life: finding out if people do what they say they are going to do. In divorce cases that end up in Court, add a layer: proving to the Judge that the other person did not do what they were supposed to do. Now add the whipped cream: figuring out the remedy available so the Judge can make an order to help make it right. Oh I’m sorry, I forgot the cherry on top: now that you have the order, you have to get that kid to the activity even though they’re at the other parent’s house and your kid is telling you the other parent won’t take them, or collect that money the payor just refuses to pay. You can make quite the dessert with lots of toppings here!

I’d like you to think about it in terms of yourself. Let’s say you were married to this person for 13 years. You finally decide you had enough of this person’s BS and you’re done. They say they won’t cheat on you anymore, or won’t run up the credit card, or be on time, or stop drinking, will work less, refuses to work, etc. but it still happens. You’re finding out about loans against the 401k, or a separate checking account. You’ve caught them in lies about how they handle money, or turn the table on you, or you can’t rely on them with the kids.

You go to Court and your assumption is that with a lawyer and their advocacy, the Judge will just get it. Well, you’re wrong. That’s not how it goes. The Judge, doing what they can with every best intention, doesn’t just ‘get it.’ You stayed for 13 years so look at how long it took you! Why would a Judge just ‘get it’ when you didn’t? It takes time to learn and then find out what is going on with people. These are inconvenient realities us humans do not like hearing. Give your ex-to-be a half-decent attorney and they can hold their own in Court pretty good for a long while if not through the whole case.

There’s a way to handle dishonesty in Court and in cases. I’m not perfect at it but I have my tricks. The tricks are not intuitive. With that said, typically following the rules helps show who is who. Or, if you have access to a team and a lot of money, you can spend money showing that the other person doesn’t do what they’re supposed to do. I also like confrontation. I guess I’m letting you know some of my tricks.

I also understand conceding. Confronting and dealing with dishonesty is tiring. It takes energy and can get really obnoxious. I understand throwing in the towel and giving up. I get it.

But if you are going to confront the lying, then get yourself in gear and go for it. If you aren’t heard the first time, try again, then again, and again, perhaps again. I double dog dare you. After all that, make sure you call me and thank me for this blog, because you are going to feel really proud of yourself.