I want a divorce because...

We are in divorce season. Like duck season, there is divorce season. Some years I feel like there’s no break. More often though there is a season and I’m feeling it again. Summer is ending, and from the second half of July into September we get the calls from people wanting to end their marriage. The calls can slow down into the fall, but then by Christmas time and into January, the calls start up again into the winter. The calls slow down again as spring comes to a close, and then come July, the cycle continues.

Alas I am in the season, and I have people wanting divorce. Of course you can have a divorce, we are California, and you can divorce simply because you want to. By the time you get to my office, you may be fully clear that divorce is THE best option. Sometimes though, once confronted with the realities of divorce, or, parts of divorce you did not think about or appreciate, after talking with me, you may think twice.

Here are reasons people want a divorce: the perception or reality that money is gone, spouse is not around, new love, emotional unavailability, irritated (like really annoyed), someone cheated, drug problem, gambling problem, grown apart, too many changes in different directions, spouse is mean, inability to talk to each other, or maybe you just need a change, and the list goes on.

I can counsel you through your choice to stay married or get a divorce. But be clear that divorce may not be the remedy you are seeking for the issue you are having. Depending on where you are in life, it may be a tough time. Divorce may temporarily take something off your plate, but it may not be the best option long term. I don’t know.

What I do know is that most people are good. Really. People want safety, shelter, food, the basics, and then some fun. I also know that life events can be tragic. When life punches you in the face it hurts. People don’t recover overnight when a loved one dies, or gets in an accident, or something horrible happens. People go through tough times and I don’t know anyone that has weathered those storms life a perfectly scripted rom-com/drama-series.

But, if you find that divorce is the best option for you, get a plan together and do what you need to do. By a plan I mean figure out where you will live, how to manage money, the kids, schedule into the future, etc. Sometimes knowing your plan and feeling positive about it will help reinforce your decision. However, if you have not thought it through, then it may be that divorce is not the remedy you are needing.